Oh Green Pepper

Oh green pepper
You are inedible
You're in every multi-pack
This is incredible

Oh green pepper
You're a crime against food
You even put clowns
In a bad mood

Oh green pepper
Your taste sickens me
You're not worth
A measly 1p

Oh green pepper
Why do you exist?
You never appear
On any shopping list

Oh green pepper
You infringe my human rights
Eating one of you
Would give me the...upset stomach

St Patrick's Second Coming

O Patrick, you told many a tale
With shamrock you taught the masses
You ventured far and beyond the pale
To reach out to the lads and lasses

O Patrick, you didn't need a smart phone
You coped without Instagram and Snapchat
You worked your wonders alone
You were Ireland's first Postman Pat

O Patrick, you look so grand in green
You make other saints seem fake
We need you now to banish Roy Keane
You know how to wrestle a snake

O Patrick, we need your divine intervention
Irish future success looks faint
We thought it worth a mention
After all you have the patience of a saint

Scottish Senses

As I turned the corner
Of my eye met with ruins
Of a castle in the centre
Of a capital city

As I climbed the bridge
Of my nose met with an aroma
Of Island whisky
Of the finest vintage

As I introduced the tip
Of my tongue to the tip
Of my fingers at the end
Of tasty Scottish fayre

As I heard bagpipes in the swirl
Of my ears with a rendition
Of Auld Lang Syne
Of the dawning of a new year

As I left I shook the hand
Of a man in a kilt
Of lambswool and tartan of the hue
Of his native clan