Chased By A Penguin

So there I was washing the dishes in the kitchen. Just like any other day really.  The Fairy Liquid entered the bowl to be met by a stream of hot water.  The bowl filled and I placed the unwashed glasses in to the bowl.  I proceeded to wash the first glass when it happened....

The kitchen window looks out onto a patio area behind the house.  Whilst carrying out this menial task I occasionally glanced out of the window to view a passing bird, cat or......Emperor penguin !  Yes, you read that correctly reader.  This tallest of penguins had stopped outside the aforementioned window and was now staring into my eyes.  I froze in shock.  The penguin then slapped it's beak against the window in a most threatening fashion.

Panic took over and foolishly I decided to run out of the back door and head for the front garden.  I looked behind me and the fish eating monster was now bearing down on me.  I ran as fast as I could out into the street but my predator was now waddling towards me at unfeasibly high speed.  Suddenly, I saw a bus ahead and fled to the bus stop.  The Emperor was now closing in on me.  As I reached the bus stop the driver stopped and opened his doors.  I leapt on board and to my huge relief the driver closed the doors in the nick of time, as a huge beak was now pounding at the doors of the bus.  As the driver sped off I turned around....and woke up.  It's another one of my vivid nightmares.  I've booked myself in for therapy...

I Met My Love By A Fax Machine

I met my love by a fax machine
A backdrop of colleagues with ridiculous hair
When mobiles were carried in huge cases
Tories in power who never did care

A soul-less business in the era of the yuppie
Sharp suits, sharper lies in offices of deceit
Ripped jeans and curly hair was my look of choice
Shoulder pads, pencil skirts, stilettos on her feet

An Irish/Italian union
Boiling blood, harsh words, little saving grace
Too much teasing, immature, displeasing
An insult too many then a slap across my face

Wounded and bruised, my ego in tatters
Notched down a peg or two, maybe even four
Solace found in football and beer
When love knocked on my door

The olive-skinned girl tamed her temper
Her warm heart revealed in my second sight
My life changed forever when consumed by her love
From out of darkness to eternal light

Jewel

Reaching out for ancient spirits
Concealed souls of bygone eras
Seeking comfort from ghostly thought
Seeing no reflection in mirrors
Life's meaning shrouded in clouds of doubt
Why we are here and questioning faith
None are as blind as those that won't see
The grace of God alone keeping them safe
Fickle fingers of fate toy with emotions
Heart laying heavy with the weight of the mind
Darkness enveloping but a light on the horizon
Waiting for tranquility sealed and signed
Complex meanings with cryptic words
Self preservation paramount when low on fuel
Patience, understanding, virtuous beings
In life's rich tapestry there's always a jewel

Talking Teddies

On an adjacent chair to the main seating area in the lounge of my house is a collection of toys or "teddies" as you may know them.  Apparently, it's so they can watch the TV as well. Anyway, amongst them is Rory the Irish bear, Cheers Chimp, Floppy the brown dog and a whole collection of fluffy pigs.

Recently, my sleep was disturbed by yet another wholly disturbing dream. The above collection of inanimate creatures came to life before my eyes and started talking to me. They even had their own accent. Rory sounded like Father Dougal from Father Ted; Cheers Chimp, unsurprisingly, sounded like Woody from Cheers and Floppy the brown dog took on the voice of Dale Winton (?!). In my dream I was shouting to my long suffering wife to come into the room to see this amazing sight before me. When she saw them, they all stopped talking, then started again when she left the room. This repeated itself 3 or 4 times. Finally, in my dream, my head must have gone completely as I exclaimed something so loudly that I awoke the aforementioned wife who in turn woke me up. I was sweating and my heart was racing. I told her the talking teddies were annoying me....