Ozzy Osbourne School Speech Gone Awry

During my last year at high school I studied for exams in 7 subjects.
Well, when I say "studied", my 2 years in Technical Drawing classes were largely spent staring into space, throwing paper planes made out of my crap drawings at classmates; wondering why my beloved Manchester City FC  were sliding towards relegation (how times change) and generally not understanding the whole concept of technical drawing.

I mostly enjoyed the English Language classes. I was taught by Mr Cockett (insert your own jokes) and he wasn't a bad old stick. Part of the exam was a spoken word  section where the pupil had to conduct a talk on a subject of their choice in front of the class. My classmates had already read on such life changing topics as Culture Club, the Rubik Cube and microwave ovens

The pupils had 2 attempts at a talk,  mock one then the important one for marks towards the final exam. I decided to go all "junior scientist" for the first one and give a talk on the subjest of eclipses, a more nerdish topic it would have been harder to find.

The comprehensive school bullies were lining up to chin me after that one. My talk on this subject was so boring I fell like beating myself up halfway through it. The feedback I got from my class mates were along the lines of "mate, what was all that shit about?"

I decided my second attempt for the final mark would be on a more interesting subject. However, I over compensated ever so slightly and decided to give a talk on...Ozzy Osbourne!

I kept my plans under wraps until my big day. My research was conducted by reading through copies of  Sounds, NME and Kerrang magazines. Around this time Ozzy had become infamous for various atrocities far too gruesome for a daytime audience so I decided to share them in explicit detail with Mr Cockett and my 15 years old classmates. I was determined to lose the “boring” tag for good.
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The class reacted with a mixture of laughter, gasps and hands in front of mouths. Undeterred, I continued to the end. As I returned to my seat I glanced behind me to see a speechless looking Mr Cockett taking his place again in front of the class. All he could utter was that he "distanced himself" from the content my talk.

Later,  the feedback I received from the class was a mixture of  stunned admiration, scorn and the odd "well you've f***ed that up haven't you mate". I was marked down on my talk but did pass the overall English Language exam with a "B" mark.

If it wasn't for Ozzy and my own immaturity I may have got my only "A" mark in my exams.  He’s got a lot to answer for that Osbourne!