5 Senses To Deceit

Longing for the taste of a new lover's lips
Gazing upon their silhouette as they undress
Craving the scent of their freshly showered skin
Aching for the touch of their gentle caress

Hearing their partner's key in the door

Incongruous

Glinting sunshine off clear rippling water
Competing with the aroma of a burnt out wheelie bin
Delightful birdsong celebrating April's colour
Competing with last night's discarded beer cans
Deep azure cloudless skies overhead
Competing with flying winged metal trails at 35,000 feet
Sun becoming stronger as the days grow longer
Competing with bare chested males with ferocious looking dogs
A field of beautiful horses, bay, grey and brown
Competing with passing speeding exhaust fumes
Beguiled by nature and all it's enduring loveliness
Betrayed by humanity and all it's flawed ugliness

The Workhouse Door

Dignity signed in and left at the door
Of the 21st century workhouse
No name needed now
Just another body
For the modern day masters
To control, to denigrate and humiliate
Not all in this together
One rule for one
Another for another
High visual segregation
Of the old and the new
The have unions
And the haven't a clue
Exploitation of the vulnerable
The know no betters
The honest and hardworking
The beaten generation
Many worse off
Than their fathers and mothers
They toil in hope
Of better times
A change in luck
A change in governance
A reversible change
From the march to madness
As they retrieve their dignity
From the workhouse door

Oh Green Pepper

Oh green pepper
You are inedible
You're in every multi-pack
This is incredible

Oh green pepper
You're a crime against food
You even put clowns
In a bad mood

Oh green pepper
Your taste sickens me
You're not worth
A measly 1p

Oh green pepper
Why do you exist?
You never appear
On any shopping list

Oh green pepper
You infringe my human rights
Eating one of you
Would give me the...upset stomach

St Patrick's Second Coming

O Patrick, you told many a tale
With shamrock you taught the masses
You ventured far and beyond the pale
To reach out to the lads and lasses

O Patrick, you didn't need a smart phone
You coped without Instagram and Snapchat
You worked your wonders alone
You were Ireland's first Postman Pat

O Patrick, you look so grand in green
You make other saints seem fake
We need you now to banish Roy Keane
You know how to wrestle a snake

O Patrick, we need your divine intervention
Irish future success looks faint
We thought it worth a mention
After all you have the patience of a saint

Scottish Senses

As I turned the corner
Of my eye met with ruins
Of a castle in the centre
Of a capital city

As I climbed the bridge
Of my nose met with an aroma
Of Island whisky
Of the finest vintage

As I introduced the tip
Of my tongue to the tip
Of my fingers at the end
Of tasty Scottish fayre

As I heard bagpipes in the swirl
Of my ears with a rendition
Of Auld Lang Syne
Of the dawning of a new year

As I left I shook the hand
Of a man in a kilt
Of lambswool and tartan of the hue
Of his native clan

Deconstruct Yourself

Deconstruct yourself
Explore your mind's recesses
Banish all thoughts of failure
Dwell on potential successes

Deconstruct yourself
Allow the body to recover and rest
Don't fight battles you can't win
In an easterly wind, head west

Deconstruct yourself
Lay the soul bare
Overcome reticence and reservation
Show the world you care

Deconstruct yourself
Shut out inclement weather
Draw the curtains on the day
Then put yourself back together

Whatever The Weather

Whatever the weather
We ignore it, never
Why are we so boring?
Is it a British thing?

When we meet a stranger
There is no danger
Providing we tether
Ourselves to the weather

Wonder whether the weather
Should be called "weather"?
Whether rain or sunshine
The weather's in decline

Whether it's climate change
Which doesn't seem strange
Whether it's mankind's strife
We'll never get a weather-free life!

1986

It's only fair to have long hair in 1986
Slash is on his way with iconic guitar licks
Who needs a new girlfriend when you've got Rocket Queen?
There could be one fated though yet to be seen

Listening to U2 was a cool thing to do
Trying to find life's meaning in their Irish stew
Rewinding a song about Julie called I Fall Down
While lying in the bedroom wearing a frown

Nineteen and stupid with a fragile mind
Feeling ugly so looking for love that's blind
Hiding self-esteem with a humorous sense
Trying to buy a round with 85 pence

He never was handsome but Debbie said he was "cute"
Awkward words from an older woman in a business suit
He worked like a Trojan lining bosses pockets
Packing boxes of telephones and signing dockets

In '88 they said he was seeing a Salford girl 
They were friends, not lovers, it made their toes curl
It took an olive-skinned beauty to rescue his lonely life
On tempestuous seas, they set sail to be husband and wife

Waxing Lyrical With Yankee Candle

Been eating fish as it's Friday

and your house smells rotten?

sort it with the scent

of a melting Clean Cotton

Recklessly deserted your dreams

as you thought they would never be?

wake up and smell the belief

with a waft of Sweet Pea

Found all the boxes

but unsure where to tick?

disperse the Meadow Mist

With a scintillating Cinnamon Stick

Want to get even with a rival

who's given you every motive?

plan your ultimate triumph

with a Honey Glow votive

Found life's happiness door

but can't find the handle?

melt all your troubles away

with a ubiquitous Yankee Candle

The Trek of Life

Defy the docility inflicted upon the masses
In the form of hysterical unbalanced news reporting
Anti social media atrophying your quality of life.
Practice reciprocal altruism and individuality.
We are all a work in progress.
Learn when to kick over the traffic cones on life's path
When that path becomes impassable
Retreat to a smoother thoroughfare.
Use your time on this planet to promote it's good health
Sustainability for future generations.
Wasting your time is wasting life itself.
Ignore the ignorant.
Love your loved ones
Seek out new possibilities
Be culturally aware and boldly go
Where no man or woman has gone before.

Ode To Alison

A ray of  sunshine
On the darkest of days
A beacon of light
With her unique ways

A silver tongue
With a heart of gold
A love of David Silva
If truth be told

A practical joke
Never far away
The first of April
Her busiest day

The sweetest of hearts
Reassuring and perceptive
Pouring warmth from every pore
A listener and receptive

“Don’t worry so much”
“You’ll be okay”
 Her calm and comforting words
 To see you through the day

She brought joy to so many
Of this there is no doubt
Her memory is a light
That will never go out

                                              


                                       

Poor Odds For Poor Sods

When life is tough
A scratchcard is a straw
To clutch for much hope
Less a means for charity
A percentage of proceeds
To buy shares in the afterlife
Jesus would have approved
Of this selfless giving
With no receipt
A 1 in 4 chance of breaking even
Poor odds for poor sods though

Life's Sweet Kiss

Blackberries and conkers
Make me go bonkers

With nostalgia and yearning
To stop the world turning

From the old to the new
There's nothing you can do

With time marching on
Too much of the year gone

To waste on doing stuff
That's boring, not off the cuff

Like seizing the day
Like making hay

Despite the April sleet
Where snow and rain meet

Swallowed by chilly air
Trying not to care

While viewing the sky
And realising why

There can be bliss
With life's sweet kiss

Sadness In Your Eyes

The sadness in your eyes
Belies your compulsive smile
Telling white lies to hide
Your black inner thoughts
A lifetime of comic timing
Blunted by age and time
Afflicted by a lack of alacrity
A victim of unimaginable cruelty
Tearing and clawing
At all you hold dear
Gripped by confusion and fear
Some broken hearts may never mend
But you'll be loved and supported
To the very end

If I Was A Celebrity

If I was a celebrity I'd be rubbish
I'd never appear on game shows
My reality would be all my own
I'd even wear all my own clothes

If I was a celebrity I'd be anonymous
Tweeting would be left for birds
My face would have no book
I'd forget all my written words

If I was a celebrity I'd be morose
I'd weep everyday and just want my Mum
My arse wouldn't know my elbow
I'd send telegrams to Instagram

If I was a celebrity I'd be sullen
I'd throw parties where nobody came
Wikipedia would describe me as reclusive
My fame would be so lame

Shapes

I circle town squares
While trying angles
And hobble long hours
To drink Ovaltine

Never Underestimate

You can accuse an oak tree of being wooden
But when it's foliage catches the breeze
Never underestimate it's attraction

Sun Kissed Face

Sun kissed summer days 
can remind us of a time that felt real
senses heightened to absorb
every new different experience
when your world is your playground
life tasting sweeter than a fruit salad chew
childhood, when all is fresh and new
when adults are strange beings

As adults life can feel surreal
especially on Northern Rail's track
with fuckery around every corner
of streets paved with the homeless
someone's always worse off than you though
a consolation prize in the race to the bottom
but each new day is a blessing
when the sun still kisses the face

Circus of the Death Wish Dickhead

Roll up, roll up for the worst show in town
The circus of the death wish dickhead
See him cycle with one hand on his groin
The other with a phone to his head

See him drive the stolen car
With his seat at 120 degrees
120 mph on an unlit motorway
Thinking he's the bees knees

A selfish, moronic, society draining lout
The law means nothing to him
Beyond rehabilitation or redemption
Uneducated, uncouth, unhinged and dim

Give the death wish dickhead a wide berth
He values neither your life nor his own
He's sure to disappear up his own arse
Still clutching his iPhone