Love On Your Side

Don't mess with a past time and place
It's likely to spit and slap your face
It's there for a reason
A reminder good or bad
To learn from an error
To reminisce on a golden treasure
Revisionism leads to misinformation
Those that wrote it first were usually there
Erudite witnesses to significant events
History can be recorded by winners
It can also be ascribed by sinners
Bygone days can be built on in the present
Priceless experience it's foundation stone
Don't worry so much when you're feeling prone
With love on your side you're never alone

A Night's Insomnia

In through the blinds
Moonlight shines in parallel lines
Transports my mind to another time
Childhood and it's lively naivety
Moments in a Cumbrian house of haunting shadows
Minutes on a Manx mountain surveying the kingdom
Hours breathing in burning turf across an emerald bog
Days on Cornish cliffs overlooking wild Atlantic surf
Weeks in camp holiday camps with red coats and florid faces
Months in class rooms of education
Years learning to grow from boy to man via adolescent angst
Decadent decades decaying to austere anxiety
It's all in a night's solemn insomnia

Selfish to Sell Fish

Why do fleecy tracksuit wearers always look sheepish?
Why do cows sometimes look bullish?
Why wasn't Gregory ever peckish?
Why aren't odoriferous fishmongers selfish to sell fish?

Flawed Paws

They refuse to conform to feline laws
Prowling his lawns with flawed paws
Fouling his garden their sickening cause
Howling in desperation he clutches at straws

24 bottles of water are scattered
Neighbours whisper, "his head's battered"
Pussycats shitting 'til his nerves are shattered
His life in tatters, nothing else mattered

You Can't, You Can

You can't hear birdsong if you tweet too much
You can still be liked without Facebook's crutch
You can't find EVERYTHING on Wikipedia
You can still be fulfilled without social media

You can't be an individual and a clone
You can view the world without a phone
You can't sail through life with a holed boat
You can enjoy the rain with a decent coat

You can't trust politicians and their lies
You can seek the truth, integrity, the wise
You can't change the world and all it's strife
You can take a righteous path and enrich your life

You can't lose when you find a way to unwind
You can meditate, breathe, open up your mind
You can't find true love if you close your heart
You can be caring and considerate...at least that's a start

Two Hour Chihuahua

A diminutive dog ran away
During torrential Manchester showers
He was later found cowering
Amongst pretty spring flowers

120 minutes later his owner showed up
A local resident with a face so sour
The evening news later ran the headline 
"The Troublesome Tiny Two Hour Chihuahua"

Destination Unknown

Which of life's metaphorical roads are you traversing?  
Stopping and starting like the M25?
Fast, then slow, then slower, then stop

Maybe, the undulating streets of San Francisco?
Gradually ascending to highs
Then descending sharply back to new lows

Could it be Route 66?
Passing through deserts then unexpected attractions
In an ever-changing climate

Others are negotiating the bustle of New Delhi
Pushed into perpetual motion
Avoiding collisions at every turn

Some are on a "B" road in Norfolk
Flat and featureless
But with wide horizons

When you pass your final traffic cone
Believe you can leave a positive legacy
When you finally arrive at destination unknown

Genuine Fake

Whether days are short
or days are long
our most difficult task
is to admit we were wrong

We're all prone to human error
we can all make a mistake
better to accept our honest shortcomings
than strive to be a genuine fake

Share Your Dream

If you share your dream
I'll lend you my thoughts
I'll mark my crosses
Against your naughts

I'll give you half
Of my quarter of sweets
I'll watch with you a sunrise
When night and day meets

Give me poetic licence
I'll pay you with amour
Shame we don't speak French
Like Frances de la Tour

If you give me a break
I'll put you back together
When you have nothing to say
I'll talk about the weather

There may be only two of us
But we can make a great team
Glad to have lent you my thoughts
Thanks for sharing your dream

Dead Poets Walking

Too many poets' stars rise
After their earthly demise
Planted words dormant
Waiting and waiting
Waiting for history to nourish their legacy
Flowery language of redundant words and phrases
Blooming into view
An exotic edge alluring
To the ear of modern parlance
Love and marriage
Body and soul
War and peace
Timeless material for the creative scribe
In spirit, dead poets' words live on
Many living poets' recognition
Will only come to fruition
When they too are long gone

An Unlovely Bunch

Racing white Audi's with black leather seats
Overpriced apartments and penthouse suites
A sickly smell of success mixing with ill-gotten gains
Steroidal meat-heads mixing with talented brains

In the south of the city runs a shallow stream of consciousness
Eating and bleating with an air of pretentiousness

Using both barrels of their double-barrelled name
Patronising, condescending and lacking in shame


The clamour of materialism, I want, I get, i-Pad
Swaggering past the homeless, a sight so sad
Many are privileged sons and daughters of the rich
I'm sure he's a bastard and she's definitely a bitch


A low paid workers week's food spent on a throwaway lunch
They may have the money but they're an unlovely bunch

Homelessness

Today I spoke to Michael.

Michael is currently homeless and was sitting sheltering from the rain in my local shopping precinct. I had never seen or spoken to him before. He was just another "beggar", "druggie", "alcy" or whatever other derogatory term the populace may wish to use for him as they walk by. The thing is, Michael is none of those. I stopped and told him I was getting a hot drink and would he like one too. In a pleasant tone he said he would be very grateful. I returned a few minutes later to hand him the drink and to ask if he was getting help and support.

He told me a bit about his life (he's around 40) and explained he spent some of his youth backpacking and has held jobs in the past but due to unforeseen circumstances he is now without a home of his own and is waiting for the local authority to find him accommodation. He has recently been sleeping on friend's floors and occasionally on the street. He was clear-eyed, articulate and sober. He was not begging as he was not asking passers-by for change and had no receptacle or sign asking for money.

Michael went on to tell me how in recent weeks in this same spot, he has had youths spitting at him and other members of the public verbally abusing him. He said that ultimately he understood that it was his responsibility to get himself out of the mess he is in but didn't deserve this abuse. He explained how what happened to him could happen to almost anyone which most people are unaware of.

I wished him all the best and returned home. A home my wife and I have worked hard for but one in which I also count my blessings every day. This brief conversation re-focused my mind and puts the daily petty annoyances we all encounter into perspective. This may sound trite but it's also a truism. The next time you see a "Michael", be grateful it's not you.

Missing "U"

Don't you spell colour with a "u"?
Maybe you could do
Don't you spell labour with a "u"?
Without the "u", there's a letter too few

Don't you spell neighbour with a "u"?
Without the "u", the 'hood seems bl(u)e
Don't you spell flavour with a "u"?
It tastes much better, between me and you

Don't you spell harbour with a "u"
The extra letter calms the storm
Don't you spell saviour with a "u"?
To some it's just the norm

Don't you spell valour with a "u"
Go on, try it! "oh you are" so brave
Could you savour writing English English?
Or does it belong in a language grave?!

Contrary Escapee

To create a stir took many years
From a bashful youth to a chattering box
From sheltering in shadows and shrinking from conflict
To a contrary escapee from society's herd

Reticence washed away by bitter experience
The silent voice erupted from it's inner sanctum
Suppressed thoughts, ideas, creativity and vision
Found oxygen to breathe, to grow, to articulate

The faces of friends ever-changing
A list of jobs never-ending
Relationship troubles and fateful decisions
Reaching an epiphany on his path through life

From careless to carefree
Abandoning his reluctance to express his mind
A divisive, complex, unpredictable individual
He no longer tows lines, he writes them

Some Say, I Say

Some say I talk too much
Some say I'm over-sensitive to unkindness
I say I don't suffer fools
I say I'm communicative and effusive

Some say I give too much information
Some say it's all about me
I say I pass on my experience
I say I share wisdom passed on to me

Some say I'm a small man with a big mouth
Some say I'm OK in small doses
I say I'm compact with a big heart
I say I never aim to offend

Some say I have a short attention span
Some say I'm impatient
I say my mind is a colourful maelstrom
I say I choose my own friends

Some say I write poems that lack real class
I say they're wrong and can kiss my ass

I Need You

Out through the in-door to out-patients
Without my inner voice
Lost it back there somewhere
At a time without a care
Now acting on instinct alone
Human emotion stripped back to the bone
A skeletal shadow of my former self
A desperate search underway to locate my ego
Wading through a never-ending wheat field
Fighting a mounted battle without a shield
Where has that guiding voice gone?
That re-assuring chatter of small talk and memories
Of planning for the future
Of what might be
And still could be
Please come back to me
I need you

Seeking Fulfillment

You don't know it at the time. Whether we admit to it or not, most of us live in the moment. We never fully appreciate the good times. We tend to exaggerate the bad times. Hindsight gives us a clearer picture than we could ever see at pivotal moments in our lives. Nostalgia muddies our reflections on our childhoods. If we had a generally happy childhood, we can amplify it in later life to heights we feel we can never reach again.
If our childhood was less than happy, it can ruin us. I believe the key to a stable state of mind throughout our adult life is to stabilise the memories of our past through learning and healing.
Seeking guidance.
Seeking self-awareness.
Seeking compassion.
Seeking empathy
Seeking positivism
Seeking fulfillment

Avant-garde Ba(sta)rd

Do avant-garde poets know what they're on about?
Do you know what they're on about?
I don't know what they're on about
Maybe I'm uneducated, maybe just thick
Maybe I don't understand what makes shit stick
I'm sticking to what I know
Life and all it throws at you
I leave the high-brow rhetoric
For those who DO have a clue
Call me an idiot
Call me a taxi first!

Close The Door (on the way out)

What gave you the right to judge me?
Dismissive, unjustified, non-constructive nonsense
Stuffing suffocating rules into rigid boxes
Dogmatic and elitist

Your gleaming ivory towers require privileged membership
I may apply when my soul is dead
When my empathy and warmth are driven out

I don't live in your pretentious parish
A cold dictatorship
Harsh, unfriendly, unyielding

All arts require freedom
Individual expression
I've vanquished your shadow of doubt
Close the door on the way out

 

Folly of Warring

Silence is silver when tranquility is golden
A meadow, birdsong, wild flowers untamed
At one with nature, no need to count further
Green is the colour of calm, it's claimed

A primal need to escape the turmoil
A tidal wave of humanity drowning the town
Feral and fervent, noise and pollution
The once swathes of green decaying to brown

They mill and spill with the will to kill
Survival of the fittest, pushing and shoving
We never evolved to live this way
Where is the empathy, caring and loving?

The world I grew up in has gone forever
I'm no hippy but I do crave peace
Will there ever be a time in mankind's time
When the folly of warring will cease?

She Said, He Said

She said,"When I was 8, I hated your hair"
He said, "When I was 9, I stuck gum on your chair"
She said,"When I was 10, you looked like a scarecrow"
He said, "When I was 11, I meant to stand on your toe"
She said,"When I was 12, I had a crush on your mate"
He said,"When I was 13, I asked you out on a date"
She said,"When I was 14, I thought I loved you"
He said,"When I was 15, I knew I loved you"
She said,"When I was 16, you thought you were a man"
He said,"When I was 17, I was your biggest fan"
She said,"When I was 18, you were always drunk"
He said,"When I was 19, our love was sunk"
She said,"When I was 20, you re-floated your boat"
He said,"When I was 21, you wrote me a note"
She said,"When I was 22, you treated me like dirt"
He said, When I was 23, you turned into a flirt"
She said, "When I was 25 I heard you'd got married"
He said,"When I was 25 my feelings were buried"
She said,"When I was 40, my marriage had ended"
He said, "When I was 40 my heart was mended"
She said,"When I was 50 I still missed your smile"
He said,"When I was 60, I held your hand for a while"
She said, "Now we're married, tell me what I wrote at 21"
"We were born to be soul mates until we're gone", it said

Are you true to yourself?

I'd rather hear a bird sing than a dog bark
do you see the light or watch the dark?

I'd rather feel fresh air than a desk-top fan
do you want to run a race not already ran?

I'd rather read your face than see your e-mail
do you wish your best laid plans didn't fail?

I'd rather be a happy loser than a winning sinner
do you prefer a restaurant to a TV dinner?

I'd rather smell the flowers than a burning barbecue
are your funds empty when bills are over-due?

I'd rather make a positive difference with everything I've got
are you true to yourself or someone you're not?

If I Was A Sonneteer

If your tears are lost in relentless rain
If your face belies your hidden pain
If you feel empty with nothing to gain
If your energy's sapped by ongoing strain

If your life's on hold and stuck like glue
If you're looking for answers but can't find a clue
If the traffic light's red and you're feeling blue
If you think a lie could really be true

If the grass looks greener on the other side
If you spend sleepless nights with eyes open wide
If you're always swimming against the tide
If you saw a feel-good film and then you cried

We all pass through lows to reach our highs
Above all cloud-filled days are clear blue skies

Because of You

Because of you I look within me
To find what is or should never be
To see every colour of the rainbow
To know just how far to go

Because of you I learn to be patient
To notice flowers when they're nascent
To ignore wrongs and celebrate rights
To live peaceful days and restful nights

Because of you I grow in confidence
To be thankful for recompense
To seek redeeming features in all
To help the stricken when they fall

Because of you I feel complete
To take a stand on my own two feet
To make a positive difference with everything I've got
To be myself, not something I'm not

Poets Anonymous

I visited insomniacs anonymous
But fell asleep during roll call
I thought I had "short-man" syndrome
But found I was too tall

I asked a bird to sing me a song
The feathered fiend tweeted my request
It said it disliked my flat feet
But loved my #pigeonchest

I took the low road to the high street
But missed the busker with spoons
I then found a fork in the road
Dropped by cutlery-selling goons

These words are getting sillier
But one must keep on smiling
Poets anonymous have stopped taking my calls
But it'll never stop me dialing

When The World Screams

When the world screams hear it's pain
When drought brings famine let it rain
When loved ones cry dry their tears
When friends are anxious placate their fears
When danger is ahead learn when to stay
When the night falls learn from the day
When the sun rises feel it's glow
When life speeds around you take it slow
When flowers bloom smell their scent
When love takes a holiday find where it went
When nothing makes sense don't try to understand
When you're all at sea you'll find dry land

Embrace The Moment

Embrace the moment
Don't be a clone
Take a look at the world
Without your phone

Embrace the moment
Step aside the rat race
Live your life in 3D
Feel the breeze on your face

Embrace the moment
Feel the passion
Don't be a victim
Of a passing fashion

Embrace the moment
It may never return
Close the laptop
Try new ways to learn

Embrace the moment
Try living your dream
Don't let your river
Become a stream

Embrace the moment
Hear the bell toll
Enrich your life
Nourish your soul

Alliteration Obliteration

Bungee jumping adrenaline junkies
Mingling, clinging, funky monkeys
Random tandems are bikes made for three
Southerners eat dinner, Northerners eat tea

Fighting, biting knights in tights
Weirdy, beardy unsightly sights
Hopping, flopping blue kangaroos
Tuneless didgeridon'ts, tuneful didgeridoos

Seeding and weeding, sowing and mowing
Strimming and trimming, coming and going
Bamboo shoots, kiwi fruits, pomegranates and kumquats
English, Irish, Welsh and Scots

Wig-wearing llamas in woolly pyjamas
Obama drama set in the Bahamas
Obstinate, oblivious, obligatory obliteration
Seizing, teasing, alliteration obliteration

Through The Window

Through the window I viewed a seedy underworld
Squatters and addicts, the lifeless and legless
Dealers and pushers, the hopeless and homeless

Through the window I viewed a foreboding church
Dwindling parishioners in two's and three's
Preparing for prayers on their knees

Through the window I viewed seekers of asylum
Out of the frying pan and into the fire
Their previous lives now a funeral pyre

Through the window I viewed static traffic
There's no rush in a Mancunian rush hour
Frustrated commuters with faces so sour

Through the window I viewed a future soap star
A demonstrative teenager acting the fool
Playing to an audience to and from school

Through the window I gazed into my future
I saw no happiness from this point of view
Without ceremony I left for pastures new

A Day Like Mine

I woke up this morning and found myself in bed
Surreal dreams of custard creams were filling up my head
Flew down a flight of light brown stairs
Then slipped on slippers with pictures of bears

Made a cup of coffee, or was it a mug of tea?
Who knows? who cares? it's all the same to me
Didn't put toast in the toaster as it was still bread
It came out burnt, I've never learnt, so I stayed un-fed

Spent some time watching Bad News TV
I would've gone out but couldn't find my key
Combed my teeth then brushed my hair
And pondered life and why it's not fair

As my key turned up, the rain came down
Walked to the shop, got wet, wore a frown
Shop man said, "What's up with your face?"
"My business isn't yours", I said, that put him in his place

Shuffled back to an empty abode
Alarm went off as I'd forgotten the code
Recalled it just as my neighbour went mad
"Chillax!", I said, "Don't be so sad!"

I stared at the walls, but they never say much
They need a lick of paint, well maybe a touch
My phone rang, "Have I got PPI?"
No, I haven't, must be living a lie

Time for my shift when I become Billy Whizz
Donned the safety shoes and the ubiquitous high-viz
Drove to my work in an old black car
Got there on time, it's not that far

Time to go home, then "Time For Bed!"
Zebedee said that, he was a spring with a head
Another day done, my life's such a blast!
Wish it'd slow down though, it's going too fast!

Heartless

Could you steal all their love
If they gave you their all?
Would you tear out their heart
With their back against a wall?

Could you keep up pretence
When their tears haven't dried?
Would you leave them exposed
With nowhere to hide?

Could you hurt their feelings
If you knew they couldn't cope?
Would you fill them with lies
Then give them false hope?

Could you ask them to meet
Then meet someone stronger?
Would you spiral them into oblivion
When you wanted them no longer?

Homeless Empathy

He sits alone on the stone flags
Staring at the ground, hungry and forlorn
Unsure of survival from day to day
Wondering why he'd ever been born

The hustle and bustle glides effortlessly past him
A cloak of invisibility shields their conscience
He never asks for change for sustenance 
Just wishes this life would make some sense

No dog for a friend, no guiding hand
The public can't see into the windows of his soul
Passers-by unaware of the tragedies of his past
Imprisoned with his demons, on the street, in a hole

There's no charity at home when you're homeless
With a broken heart, there's no love to find
We could all find ourselves in his position
We all need empathy and the conviction to be kind

Are You Fulfilled?

Does the love of your life
Still flutter your heart?
Do you still miss them?
Do you spend time apart?

Do you still socialise
With life-long friends?
Do they ease your troubled mind?
Do they help to make amends?

Do you enjoy your work?
Does it pay the bills?
Do you have a good boss?
Is it a battle of wills?

Should you have gone east
But instead headed west?
Have you learned to trust instinct
When faced with a test?

Do you live in the moment?
Are you always planning ahead?
Is it good to kill time
When you're a long time dead?

Do you dwell too much on hindsight?
Do you have so much to rue?
Are you realising your dreams?
Are you making them come true?

Ghouls

Filming the gig
Not listening to the band
Filming the beach
Not feeling the sand

Filming the accident
Not having a heart
Filming the rescue
Not playing any part

Filming themselves
While behaving like fools
Filming the tragedy
Like malevolent ghouls

Filming the crowd
Then missing a goal
Filming their pie
And a soggy sausage roll

Filming the meal
Not tasting the food
Filming other diners
Unaware it's rude

Filming their fork
Filming their knife
Filming the world
Without living their life

I'm Not Saying

I'm not saying they're lowlifes
But they shoved a Pot Noodle in my bush
I'm not saying they're scruffy
But their hair's never seen a brush

I'm not saying their dog's ugly
But it's got a ferocious face
I'm not saying they suffer from halitosis
But their breath's a fecking disgrace

I'm not saying his head's massive
But The Clangers can see it from their moon
I'm not saying he's tone deaf
But he can't hold a tune

I'm not saying she likes 90s Indie
But she does like Blur
I'm not saying she's insecure
But she's desperate for people to like her

I'm not saying the UK's ruined
But I am saying it's on it's arse
I'm not saying all workers are suffering
But with posh boys in charge, it's a farce

I'm not saying that I'm perfect
If I did I would be lying
I'm not saying I can make a better world
But is there any harm in trying?

What Makes You Quiver?

What makes you tingle?
The first few bars of your favourite song
Or a brand new taste on the tip of your tongue?

What makes you tremble?
Ghostly thoughts of loved ones lost
Or unaffordable luxuries and what they cost

What makes you shake?
An icy morning under a clear blue sky
Or chills of grief when made to cry

What makes you shiver?
Memories of fools who've caused you harm
Or a beloved soul mate and their charm

What makes you tingle?
Nervous anticipation of a test
Or watching a new love as they undress

What makes you quiver?
The vision of a lover drawing near
Or "I Love You" whispered in your ear

Redemption Box

Deafening silence in the dead of night
Restless insomniac wrestled with his thoughts
Counting the minutes to another sunrise
Another day ahead feeling out of sorts

He opened the packet of mind numbing drugs
Prescribed pills to halt his mind's descent
The contents emptied on to the table
Refusing to ingest them in a show of dissent

He arranged them in the shape of a heart
Then cut a line through his display
Symbolizing the grief of his broken world
A love turned sour, then left to decay

Fatigued, distraught, angry and upset
The broken heart was swept to the floor
His street of shattered dreams stretched before him
Asked himself can he take any more?

He stumbled upstairs and lay on the bed
Staring into space then up at a shelf
A dusty box lay in his line of vision
The time had come to start healing himself

Decades of stored sentiments from family and friends
Breathing deeply as he read the soothing words
"Good Luck", "Congratulations", "Well Done", "With Love"
With received heart-felt kindness, an epiphany occurred

The pills discarded, his confidence restored
A new train of thought to explore for relief
His slow recovery would still be painful
Days lay ahead still filled with grief

His tide of self-pity receded from view
His loved ones gifts were still giving
The contents of the box had saved his soul
The gift of life was worth living

All She Ever Wanted

All she ever wanted was childhood innocence
To grow up in a world that made some sense
All she ever wanted was love and affection
To look in a mirror and not hate her reflection
All she ever wanted was boys to think her pretty
To be given the chance to be smart and witty
All she ever wanted was to love her Dad
To live some days without feeling sad
All she ever wanted was a world without sin
To fight some battles she had a chance to win
All she ever wanted was the freedom to roam
To return every day to a happy home
All she ever wanted was some saving grace
To face her demons and spit in their face
All she ever wanted was a life that was kind
All she really ever wanted was peace of.mind

Tommy's Face

She lived in a town on the edge of the city
With a hard-working husband keeping kid's bellies filled
Oblivious to the horrors yet to be lived
"The war to end all wars" and millions killed

A threadbare working class, but they still lived their lives
Poorly paid work, though, and struggling to get by
In 1914, her future ripped from her hands
She couldn't even vote for her husband to die

Tommy and his pals signed up for glory
Marching and grinning but gripped by fear
She waved them off with her heart so heavy
Posters warned the Germans would be here

Tommy returned from the front a different man
Gone was his smile, his whistle in the morn
A haunted look, he couldn't say what he'd seen
She felt sad and lonely, upset and forlorn

She supported her husband throughout his trauma
Much work to do and mouths to feed
2 years now into this madness
More lambs to the slaughter was the nation's need

They recalled Tommy for a battle at the Somme
His mental wounds hidden, he stood at the door
She kissed him, then he left to meet his maker
She sighed, then cried and collapsed to the floor

On a warm July morning Tommy was sent to his death
Cut down in his prime in no man's land
A pointless, tragic waste of his life
Most now saw this "Great War" wasn't so grand

She opened the letter bearing the news
They regretted her loss and said they were pained
Passed to her loved ones and back again
Barely readable now it was so tear-stained

2 months passed and she heard some news
They were showing a film at her local cinema
The carnage at the Somme could now be viewed
Her family and friends went to see it with her

She saw a body being carried in the trenches
The face of the dead man was screened
That face was Tommy's, she leapt to her feet
"That's him! That's my Tommy!", she screamed

She was led back home to her children
Her pain and anguish she could now release
Seeing Tommy one last time gave her redemption
His face had looked content and finally at peace

Kate Bush Plays Football For England

As regular readers (Hello Albert & Gladys) will know, I'm occasionally fond of sharing my dreams. These have included partying in the 23rd century with Shobna Gulati; Wrestling with a sea-lion shaped goldfish and being chased through my local streets by an unfeasibly large penguin. Well, last night Kate Bush was chosen to play for England in this year's World Cup in Brazil.

As is often the case, England had some late withdrawals prior to the World Cup and were left woefully short of strikers so there was a lot of speculation in the media that there would be a late surprise call-up. No-one expected what happened next though. Kate Bush became the first female professional footballer to represent the male team. Apparently, she was able to keep her professional football activities a secret throughout her singing career as she was known for her reclusive lifestyle.

I was England's kit man for this tournament but Kate turned up with her own kit woman. Prior to the opening game against Italy, she emerged from her changing room wearing the outfit she first wore in her "Wuthering Heights" video from 1978. When I asked her to change into the football kit she threw a diva tantrum. Whilst it was all being sorted out they had to delay the kick off leading to unprecedented commercial TV problems around the world. Eventually, the referee and Mario Balotelli agreed it was OK for her to wear it, then the game got underway.

The first half passed without major incident but Kate did suffer some harsh treatment from the Italian defenders. The heat was intense inside the stadium so at half time the players were treated in various ways. Kate refused any treatment, however, but insisted she changed her Wuthering Heights dress. 10 minutes later she emerged wearing the outfit from the "Babooshka" video.Within seconds, word got out of the dressing room and it was suddenly filled with a galaxy of ex-England players including Dave Watson and Russell Osman from the 1970s.......at this point I was woken up by some tosser using their car horn in my street, so we will never know what happened next......

Alpaca in a Park

When your hair's like a wig
And all you hear is a pig

When you've got a woolly coat
And your best friend's a goat

When the ducks are quacking
And your visitors are lacking

When you want a bit of fun
But there's little space to run

When your belly's not full
And your day's very dull

When the rain keeps on pouring
And eating grass gets boring

When your field's too muddy
And you're fighting with your buddy

When your life's nearly spent
And you don't know what it meant

You're an alpaca in a park

Middle Age Rage

I'm metaphorically reading the book of my life
"So, where are you up to? I mean, what page?"
OK, I'll tell you if you insist
I'm on the page headed "Middle Age Rage"

So many annoyances on a daily basis
Like a twin exhaust car driven by a prick
Noise pollution, barking dogs and their shit
Littering and spitting, this make me sick

I wake up to a taxi car horn
"You brainless tosser, It's ten to six in the morn!"
We all live in a world driven by greed
Bankers and wankers selling crap we don't need

We grumpy old crones love a good moan
Every other driver holding a phone
I keep my head up though, while all others look down
Taking their tablets and spy-phones around town

What's happened to our pubs and the characters there-in?
The beer's too dear now, everyone stays in
Scratching their arses drinking cans of piss
Staring at un-reality tripe, has it really come to this?

I'm alright in myself
I'm happiest when it's raining
When 9 out 10 say everything's grand
I'm the miserable bastard complaining!

Wingin' it (Innit)

Why are you singin'?
Sounds like a drain, innit
Why are you ringin'?
Don't wanna speak to you, innit
Why are you so mingin'?
Your head's battered, innit
Are you still swingin'?
You're a pervert, innit
Your telly needs flingin'
Not big enough, innit
Your hand still stingin'?
Ciggie burn, innit
Why are you clingin'?
Let go of me, innit
Why aren't you blingin'?
No money, innit
Is your tongue tinglin'?
Rainbow Crystals, innit
Are you still wingin' it?
That's life.....innit?

Mr Folly

Hey, Mr Folly, your management's crap
You've got a big tarring brush
You use it daily to de-motivate your staff
You think you mean business
Your business is mean
You are mean
We'll never understand you fully
After all, you're a sullen bully
Your office stinks
Everyone thinks
Did you get where you are today
By behaving in an anti-social way?
Oh, Mr Folly, you really are a sad man
You'll never be an honest and decent man
You're taken as you're found
Do you not understand?
Would it hurt you to ever be jolly?
Every work place has a Mr Folly

The Saviour

Big time problems in a small-minded town
Decades of decay, festering in sin
A diminutive escapee drawn to the big city
Looked to the bright lights to repair her broken dreams
Demons chased her around every corner
A wretched childhood and doomed to fail
Ruined, violated, spirit crushed, heart-broken
The book-shelves are full of these misery tales
Plentiful narcotics her weakness of choice
"This will end in tears", screamed her inner voice
She needed help, homeless and hapless
Pale beyond belief, pale beyond the pale
The unforgiving city had seen her kind too many times
She'd crossed the line, too many crimes
The Angel of Death loomed large in her view
Semi-conscious she faded, her pain soon to end.

A second figure then appeared, then laid a hand on her shoulder
Dragged from her stupor to a place of rescue
A reformed addict saved her in the nick of time
Stomach pumped for the umpteenth time, the final time
Her saviour guided her to redemption
A painfully slow process, 2 steps forward, 1 back
Her demons occasionally returned to attack
Her reformed saviour her rock before the hard place
Their lives now shared together, turned around, self-sufficient
Her life was saved in a moment of fate
Her future secured with her true soul mate

Ashton under Lyne, Wheels Roller Disco '82

Roll up! Roll up! for the roller disco
Wait in the queue. It's 1982
Chicken Legs Doyle in his budgie smuggling Wranglers
Sounds of Spandau Ballet and Golden Brown by The Stranglers
Pastel adorned teenage dreamers ready to rumble
Hoping for a snog, maybe even a fumble
"Why've you brought a coat? That cloak room stinks"
"Shut your stupid cake-hole, let's get our drinks"
"Eh, knob 'ed, are you looking at my bird?"
"Nah mate, she's ugly, and you're a turd"
"Do you want a smack? Who are you?!"
"Calm down, mate, I'm off for a skate to Yazoo"
Round and round on wheels of steel
Stopping and starting with toe and heel
Pubescent hormones dancing with delight
Drinking Irn Bru and Tizer every Friday night
It's World Cup year, but unlike here, it's not raining in Spain
England aren't reigning as they inevitably lose again
Boys chase girls, girls chase their dreams
This skating mecca's where it's at it seems
Some lads cop off, the ones without zits
Jealous mates look on calling them "shits"
"Are you getting the bus home? or are you getting picked up?"
"I'm not talking to you so shut the fuck up!"
"No need for that, I thought you were my mate"
"Take your face for a shit, I saw you snogging my date"
Another night over for this sweaty crowd
Filing out to Adam and his bunch of Ants
Everyone wondering just how the hell
Will Chicken Legs Doyle get out of his pants

Unconditional Love (Inside,Outside)

We had ice on the windows in our house
On the outside and the inside
Inside we had no central heating
When it froze outside, it froze inside

We had coal fires inside our fireplace
Outside the grate were firelighters
My mother went outside to fetch the coal
To keep us warm when inside

My hands were cold outside my jumper
Inside my jumper was skin and bones
Inside my shoes my feet were icy
Outside my bedclothes you could see my breath

The outside world could be unforgivably hostile
Inside, my house was filled with unconditional love

Catherine "Kate" Bush

An Anglo-Irish enigma from Welling in Kent
Influential, delightful, charismatic, enigmatic
Decades avoiding the media glare
An innovative music career, inventive and erratic

Misunderstood; much of her life remains a mystery
A private individual with no love of fame
Her apparent wish to remain anonymous
Steering clear of the paparazzi's game

Her family comes first, just the same as us

Truly unique with no axe to grind
Her songs stay timeless through changing times
A lyrical genius, one of a kind

When the piper's calls, she calls the tune
To see her live, there's an almighty rush
She's a national treasure, some may say an icon
She's a delicate flower named Catherine "Kate" Bush

Monkey World - Jim Cronin

Born in the Big Apple was a very special boy
Fated for greatness, he would bring much joy
Within 3 decades he worked at Bronx Zoo
This young man from Yonkers had much work to do

His affinity with primates was clear to see
A locked dream in his heart, he searched for the key
The Templars crossed his path, his dream took shape
His future now built on the monkey and the ape

Abused chimps used in Europe as photographer's props
To build a safe haven, he pulled out all the stops
Near Wool in Dorset lay a derelict pig farm
This driven man now used all his charm

The site was transformed into a place of rescue
From nine chimps and an orang-utan, Monkey World now grew
With Alison and Jeremy the centre would thrive
Neglected primates would now survive

Jim Cronin was his name, he was taken too early
We remember his smile and his hair so curly
He's missed so much and held so dear
His legacy lives on, his spirit always near

You Cried In Your Sleep

In my dream you cried in your sleep
It hurt me enough to wake up and weep
In my dream I cried in my sleep
I counted my problems instead of sheep

 Subconscious torment led to nightmarish thought
Cathartic nights sold and bought
Thrown around on waves of unease
Sick on ill-tempered mountainous seas

Some mornings the sun never rose
Some afternoons riddled with woes
Evenings lost in an unending maze
Whole days spent confused and dazed


Fires burning deep into my soul
History's baggage taking it's toll

I count my blessings now when I wake upset
I re-live every moment of the day we met

Keeping The Faith

Chased too many fragile, delicate dreams
Seen them fail, then fall apart at the seams
Acquaintances come and then they go
Never been sure who's a friend or a foe

Planted seeds at all the wrong times
Never could see all the warning signs
Never knew what was best for me
When to dabble or just let it be

Too many years flailing against the ropes
Now I've got a foot-hold on life's slippery slopes
Forgiven many sins and enemies pardoned
Thickened skin and sensitivities hardened

Socially awkward feelings are going
Confidence is growing, I'm now more knowing
When to leave and when to stay
Keeping the faith it will stay this way

January Blues

Are the January blues here to stay?
Will the howling wind and teeming rain ever go away?
Darkness descending into another winter's night
Lodged in a tunnel of gloom with no end in sight?

Self-pity is such a waste of energy and time
Waiting at base camp with your mountain to climb
If life is a marathon, why run it in 2 hours?
Make time for people, breathe the air, smell the flowers

A new year can bring hope of better days ahead
We may fear in the present but the future we must not dread
Live in the moment when days lose their meaning
Doing housework and chores, I'm sure that shelf's leaning

No two days should ever be the same
Stuck in a rut, same routine, a dwindling flame
Welcome in good health, don't show it the door
Good days aren't one-offs, there will be plenty more

Won't be long again before the days are lighter
When the sun shines, our worlds feel brighter
Feelings of sadness are normal, they always pass
Stay close to warm hearts, avoid those made of glass